Re Evaluating

A couple months ago, under the warmth of the sun shining into my lovely French dorm room, I decided to ‘drop out of school‘. The majority of my reasoning revolved around the ridiculous cost of tuition at my home campus. It was so bad that living in France was half the cost of tuition. Ironically, instead of dropping out, I ended up at an even more expensive university.

At the beginning of Fall Quarter my adviser (who also transferred from the previous school) asked “what do you want to do after college”? Simple as the question may seem, it is not any easy one to answer. My mind went blank, and I, a 22 year old girl of many dreams and passions was unable to answer.

As the sand dribbles through the glass of time, the question becomes more frequent. Everyone wants a truthful answer, everyone wants to know. I prefer not to quench curiosity in detail. Three more quarters; that’s what’s left of my education. Ideally, by then I’ll be able to graduate with a BFA in Film and a minor in French. That’s all they need to know.

There’s a thrill that comes with working on a film project. Excitement flows among crew and cast as production gets underway. Sometimes it’s these little things that are forgotten when my major becomes frustrating. It’s so annoyingly frustrating. How can that damn piece of paper worth $160,000 be inverted into a worthy investment? In the end, will it all be worth it?

A couple weeks ago during the credits of a movie, I stated that if my name would roll up on the big screen once, I would be happy.

“That’s not true; you will always want to do it again. You will never be satisfied with having your name up just once.”

I freaked with the realization that the other person speaking through the dark theater was right. It’s not just getting a credit though, it’s the whole process of seeing a collaborative piece completed. That is what inspires me.

The school advertises us to get internships and work our way up. That’s how one is supposed to make a career in this field. A recent MBA graduate disagreed.

“As an intern, you can be easily replaced.” I hung my head because he may be right.

Now that it is Winter Quarter, my Professional Practices professor would like to know what motivates me to peruse film.  I have mixed feelings about leaving the school with a film degree. I am already a filmmaker, I am already a photographer, school cannot change that.

It’s kind of embarrassing to say but I envision myself living abroad and not persuading film specifically. I just want to enjoy life, create, help others and make a living out of these things. Is that weird?

8 thoughts on “Re Evaluating

  1. I am going though a similar type of debate. I am currently studying music performance and I love music with all of my heart. Ultimately I’d like to learn how to make instruments as well. I want to double major at school, because you might as well get as many degrees or minors as you can while you are studying at an expensive school. I have a lot of passions, but I don’t know what makes sense to pursue on the side.


  2. I wish you luck on your journey! I have a 21 year old daughter asking the same questions, majoring in poly sci and minoring in French. May you both end up helping people as you follow your dreams. Thanks for visiting my blog… 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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